I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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