at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
