if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
