I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
