Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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