okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
