bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
