You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Randomize
