We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
