Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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