Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
it was like eating out sand paper
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
