I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
