Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I wish they made helmets for livers.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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