Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
