i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
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I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
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Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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