We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
