i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
