she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
