Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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