Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
