I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
