Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
