Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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