OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
