Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
