and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
