I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
