We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Congratulations! We have a period
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
