My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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