He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
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I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
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Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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