Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
