you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
she peed on how many people?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
