Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
