I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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