You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
