i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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