before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
