literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You're earring is so big in my mouth
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
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