they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
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At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
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