I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
