Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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