This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I will be naked everywhere
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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