Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i will never coherently bang her
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
