life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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