thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
