Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
