My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
