We're like a lot better than the average bears
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
