If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
