I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
