he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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