Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
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