my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
