please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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