I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
