Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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