those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
