He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize
