Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
