garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
zippers are such a cool invention
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
