puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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