Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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