3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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