I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
