birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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