STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
