is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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