The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
