In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
