New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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