P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
