You really coming over, don't trick.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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