I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
