I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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