I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
