remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
