you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
