I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
