At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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