areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
