the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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