I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
