forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
