so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
we're so committed to being not committed
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
