i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
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I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
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You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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