guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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