Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
