i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
The air taste purple.
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