I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
