Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
