y did u give ur computer a hand job?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
