We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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