Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Let's get the cat blown out
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
