Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
